This is the beginning of my collection of excellent “one-liners”, built from from e-mail I received, and from other sources as well. I do not claim authorship of any single one of them; I just collect them. Why? Among other reasons, because they clearly express the degree to which “computers” have permeated our lives, even when we are joking, or just plainly irritated with some aspects of what should be just plain tools.
The human mind is like a parachute: it only functions when it’s open.Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE missing. Insert cup and press any key to continue.
<——- The information went data way ——->
BREAKFST.COM halted. Cereal port not responding.
File not found. Fake it (Y/N)?
RAM Disk is *not* an installation procedure.
All computers wait at the same speed.
Hit any user to continue.
On the side of the software box, in the system requirements section it said “Requires Windows 95 or better…” So I installed FreeBSD.
Save a cow. Eat a vegetarian!
Computers are like air conditioners: they stop working properly when you open Windows.
Is a computer language with GOTO’s totally Wirth-less?
OK, this is a “two-liner”, but since I own a Newton I find it particularly funny and worthy of inclusion here:
How many Newton users does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fiv3 – tWO to fu%6~ th# jlwww aND three tO gurr%^ the laddEr.
Some day I’ll copy the ones I like best, but here are some more excellent one-liners:
There are some doubles, but there are many excellent lines!
[Edited on 2015-08-27] Before more links are sucked into the black hole in the center of the Internet, I copied some of the best from the other sources…
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Ham and eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Seen it all. Done it all. Can’t remember most of it.